Emotions

I feel happy when i learnt sexyback got back together with his gf.
I feel sad when i tink of my failed relationship.
I feel lonely when im on overseas assignments.
I feel tired when my alarm wakes me up every morning.
I feel confused when somethings happen and somethings dont.
I feel angry when i kept being taken for granted.
I feel stupid when i keep hoping for somethings to happen with no reservations.
I feel motivated seeing how my wheel chair bound uncle copes with his life.
I feel irritated everytime i see the lame M1 advert with the bald man on TV.
I feel blessed to have frens who care for me in my darkest hours.
I feel sick of my work.

Emotion by Destiny's Child

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

Chorus
And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world tohold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

repeat chorus

Bala lights on

1st of all, sorry Kelvin... supposed to meet u for movie for i 'natural wake up' at 5pm today... so no go. I duno why also but i woke up ard 11 but its too tempting to carry on sleeping and i just forgot abt the time.

I met Bryan and Yao Yang for dinner after that. I was dressed in berms and slippers cos i wanted to come home after dinner for Black Hawk Down but they had no intention of that! Bryan drove me back to change and off we go to Balaclava. I dun like it when im operating on deficit and my frens gota 'tank' me for the expenses. The thought of paying for cover charges at Zouk or watever places turns me off even furthur but i feel equally bad when they pay for the bill while i act like a leech. I wonder wat got me to this stage in the first place.....

It was quiet at Bala. Not much people.. no problem getting a table but the band was playing 'dead music'.. not the 'dont look back in anger' but the 'how deep is ur love' zzzzz....We had Tuborgs which sucked as usual and Yao Yang ordered what Highland Scotch Whisky after that. It was suicidal to mix beer with hard liqueur but none of us cared. We met a mate from OCS; Mark(hope i spell correctly) and had a talk. 'You can take her shit while she can take your shit', thats wat he told us when we asked him abt married life. Hmm....YY and me had the same feel, maybe Mark phrased it more crudely, it shud be you can take each other's short comings. We drank till we are the last table at Bala and its a first when i was there when the lights were on. Bala suddenly looked ordinary.. not like the place where yuppies frequent, not a place where i tot only the rich goes. Its jus like another other ordinary pub. Every waiter and waitress was putting on a happy face and i can guess why. We are supposed to go to Geograhpers to meet nat but somehow, things dun work out. Maybe see u next time nat.

As for Bryan and YY.. okok i learnt my lesson, better over dress than under dress the next time;that will cut down on the cbs u two lashed at me tonight right?

Teo Heng part 1

Teo Heng: A KTV at Katong shopping centre. A KTV i went with Bryan(1st time). A KTV that is cheap. A KTV that doesnt sell liquor but allows u to 'ta bao' from downstairs. Ken, Kel and Eric, are u hearing me? 4 hours for 50 dollars, Heineken ard 6.50 a bottle. And im home by 1.

Kel, I intro Bryan to 命硬 and he is INFATUATED like u lo. I hear him sing 3 times in ktv -.- Bryan and I were singing our guts out.... just the two of us.. wacking.. after 30mins.. he say no voice; watch read 2145.. nice...Cindy (Bryan's gf) came after that. Thats when i felt so out of place n weird. They lovey dovey then i alone trying to be like an invisible light bulb.

I stil have so much to say.. abt meeting Yao Yang n listening to his complaints on work with Bryan the previous night, abt feeling like a chicken chop in office cos everyone wants a piece of me, abt meeting Kieron for lunch and knowing abt his current life and job, abt finally finding the thing im searching for while looking for Cindy's bday present with Bryan, abt the biatch who didnt bait an eyelid when a guy picked up a card for her on the bus, abt how i will be the ambassador for Teo Heng part II in the future, abt how England crash out of Euro 2008 qualifying stage and im so happy cos i wil be saving money by not being able to bet on them in Euro 2008. Ok i tink i had said what i wanted actually.

Immortality....r u tempted?

A long day...though im tired, i canot disappoint 2 of my faithful readers who told me themselves they are looking forward to my next blog.

I learnt someting today....nvr jump into conclusions. I was kinda hasty in my judgement of Stardust... The movie poster looks uninteresting, the movie title sounds like some barbie doll fantasy movie, i didnt really like Gwyneth Paltrow(realised it was Claire Danes during the movie) and i had wanted so much to watch Anna and Anna instead. Jodie was the ambassador for Stardust and with her promoting the movie and psychoing....so it was; i went to watch Stardust with some apprehension. I sat thru movies, real lousy ones. 'Lost in space'(i was really lost), 'Cyclo'(a movie with Tony Leung is not always a success), 'Blade'(i wish i can pierce a blade into the director's body) to name a few i disliked. But as the show moved on, its quite a nice movie i would say. Not really the best i have seen but a good one. Michelle Pfeiffer, my goddess in secondary school; brings back memories haha. De Niro collecting lightening to sell... thats a fresh thought..no...its been done. We have ppl selling to ppl oil at mad prices. What rights do they have i ask, selling mother nature's gift to us aother humans?

In the movie, Tristan was asked if he was tempted by immortality. I asked myself that question too. What he replied was really what everyone of us might have in our minds(definately mine!) I shall not disclose what he answered lest i be spoiler to those who have not watched it yet but i reckon its really the best thing that can happen to anyone to be an immortal with that given scenario.

Stardust is nice! Yes, i was wrong abt the movie initially (sry jodie). Yes i was late(sry ah pang). Yes, I will slap myself: wo bu hao..wo bei bi..wo xia liu......

Just did some tarot readings. I need a Queen of Wands or a Queen of Pentacles -.- I shudder if anyone will kena a Queen of Pain.

not here not there

Here i am, jus back from a dozen places with a headache. 1st stop was.. republic foodcourt or something like that where i had a good chat with Shawn. We waited and waited for Bryan till i had my dinner at 8 plus(whats new). Come to think of it, its the 1st time i had a real chat with Shawn. Im thankful he shared his views on certain matters with me that deserves some thinking.

Balaclava was the second stop.. not that i wanna condemn the place but i cant even sit when i wanted to and talk to my frens in a volume i liked. The band wasnt kind to me today also. They sang songs that i barely know the lyrics.. i cant really have a 'sing along session' with them as a result. Angie, Audrey, YY and co. joined us shortly after but there i was crossing my arms and waiting for the next and the next song.

The 3rd stop was a wat China One. Angie had to be there to entertain some client of hers. Poor girl, i guess her empty stomach is making her feel unbearable.I felt unbearable too when i only offered a cigarette to a caucasian and his mate just kissed me on the cheek -.- I also ordered a beer but somehow ended up with a bourbon coke in my hand wtf......

Arena was the next destination....my frens all danced to da groove and had a 'woo hoo' shout.. everyone was enjoying themselves and im grateful for it. They were all into the music. Im jus not a dance person and even though i jus sat there, Angie is kind enuff to play some games with me to try cheer me up. Tks for that, really appreciate it.

Bah Kut teh was my final stop. I had insisted on Roti Prata before that but nobody listens when they are drunk. Eugene and Bryan.. enjoying their bah kuts while i slowly chew to avoid eating any of the pig's fats.

As i sat infront of my lap top now, the headache is still there. The tipsy but not 'high'... with a bad headache... is one of the worst drinking sessions aftermath to have.

131107

A normal day, an average day, isnt tat what everyone craves? I never felt so 'serene' before. I look at the trees, i marvel at their colours as if its the 1st time im seeing them. I ponder when i hear the birds chirp. What are they really saying? Do they talk about 'nest prices' like others talking so feverishly abt property prices? I doubt it. I embraced saddness yesterday, i embraced nature today. 2 mins....thats all ill use each day to cry or feel sorry for myself. Nothing more, nothing less. A good way to plan your day. Allocate for urself how many minutes you wan for the different emotions you feel each day. I clocked my full 2 mins when i read abt Morrie. The rest of the day, i enjoyed it.

Where can i find a lake in sg? Where can i find a lake with ducks in it in sg? Let me know if u have the answer. Ill like to bring Bryan there. He wants to see ducks swim in a lake. Tks for the times you accompanied me in my darkest hours yet(it's still dark by the way). I did not forget the rest of you ppl who were there for me....tell me what you liked to do and ill do it with yah.

An outing with Kel bro at Rab Bar....we catch up, we sang, we drank, we played cards. I still feel a bit disappointed cos he rejected my offer of playing chinese chess there. Is it really 'off form'? He said we will be 'yi chou wan nian' if we did that. Only chinese chess lehhh, who cares what they think haha.. neh mind, ill have better luck when Eric goes there.

'就算贫病或失忆 都争口气从旁保护你'...beautiful. Song writers wrote the lyrics, singers are the famous ones hmmmmm....Oh some singers do write their own lyrics, i didnt know abt it and anyhow say. Apologies!

命硬 by 侧田 填词:林夕

他反对就反对
亦都跟你爱下去
犹如在大战炮火里
毫无惧色冲过去
谁狂怒谁拦路
谁话我共谁不登对
无能力与霸权比赛
还是可比他多老几岁
二百年后在一起
应该不怕旁人不服气
团圆或者晚了廿个十年
仍然未舍弃
换个时代在一起
等荆棘满途全枯死
这盼望很悠长
亦决心等到尾
等得起
先殉了情不对
未反击过已后退
宁凭着耐性与骨气
维持自尊撑过去
谁强韧谁长寿
谁便算胜利击不碎
仍然共你企在这里
捱着等身边指控死去
谁人又可控诉廿个十年
撑到尾
就算贫病或失忆
都争口气从旁保护你
顽强地等再过廿个十年
等整个世界换风气
历劫还是在一起
这种坚决无人可比
看战事多悠长
亦决心打到尾
心不死

I embraced sadness

Yes, Im not ashamed to say it. I cried my heart out when i went ktv today. Sorry that i scared my besties Eric and Chervelle but i really wanted to get the feel of sadness to the max. Maybe the beer did its part, maybe the call did its part. I just decided to not escape the whole thing and have a good cry. It sure hurts and i can feel my heart 'shrinking' as i cried. I felt so weak and the pain empowering me. Yea im a man, i cried in public, i cried in the taxi on my route back, I cried downstairs at the stone chair while smoking.... who cares! I knew i hit the lowest depth. I duno how i will go to work tomolo but it doesnt matter. I have experienced the sadness; I have cried a good old 5 mins and experienced sadness to the fullest.

The imaginery bird helps. It told me:...cry as much as you like, its your life, do not be ashamed. Do not hold your tears back to your grave, cry when you are sad. Care not what others think. Its your life and not theirs. Do what you want or need to. Have no regrets.

The imaginery bird

Every morning when u wake up, imagine a bird by your shoulder. Imagine it can understand u, u can understand it. Turn ur head to your shoulder and ask the bird: Is today the day? Am i ready? Am i doing all i need to do? Am i being the person i want to be? Is today the day i die? Im not going nuts from the toxic i pump my body into. But this is particularly captivating and i thought i share it out; it deserved to be.

Lets jus say.. suppose you wan to flare up on someone(ur loved ones, frens or even a stranger) Would you still want to argue if u know either you or the other party is going to die the same day? Do you wan to leave the world on a peaceful note or with hatred among other humans? This might sound like you will then be a Mr Nice Guy accomodating any injustice suffered without standing for your own rights. What i can say is...u can talk things out, with reason and if that fails, forget it. It doesnt mean i will not stand up for my wife if she gets bullied by others, it doesnt mean i dun say a thing if my mum gets a rude service from the hawker. Im sure they also do not want things to escalate to a point where it gets ugly.

Regrets we all have....I had a long chat with my cousin Ping. Kinda surprising that we seldom chat when we met considering we r of the same age group and she agrees. Maybe she is right, its hard to talk face to face even though there are no ill intentions. I was never the extrovert. Im the guy who sits there quietly while my frens are able to talk freely to ppl they barely know for a while. Maybe becos i dun have much to talk abt my life too. I told her one of the things i realy regretted in my life and it still bothers me up to today. I always have sunday gatherings at my granny's place, Ah Ma's house as it was affectionately known to us grandchildren. I wil go rain or shine every sunday to see my grandparents n relatives. There was a particular sunday i felt lethargic and tired and decided to give the gathering a miss. Then it happened. The following wednesday, my grandfather had a heart attack and passed away. I was really angry with myself back then. Why didnt i go that sunday? Why did i think there was a next sunday?

In my druken stupor

In my drunken stupor, i went to Balaclava with Bryan and Shawn. I never like those sort of places where everyone goes there to see n be seen. Makes me feel fake there, saying 'Hi' to ppl i hardly know and practically shouting to let my listener hear what i wanted to say. Thankfully, the live band was the saving grace for the place. Dishing out hits like 'Dont look back in anger' realy felt nostalgic and its one of the moments i felt good singing along and shouting my heart out with the music drowing my pitiful out of tune voice.

In my drunken stupor, I blurted out stuff which i should not have said to complicate things. My apologies bro, it's just one of those nights. The future troubles i might have brought upon you, i hope i can help u clear up any mess i have created.

In my drunken stupor, i created a 'DFF'.. yea..'drink for free'.I didnt pay anything at Balaclava and i felt like a leech. Tuborgs sure taste like shit but when its free, u jus have to down it.

In my drunken stupor, i condemned a fat farc with the rest of my mates for scaring a group of ladies away from us. Not that im interested in any of them, but the way he behaved.. hes a.. well... fat farc.

In my druken stupor, i kept ordering Roti Prata kosong when the man told me there is no kosong. I would have thrown in my greasy apron if i were him.Must be kinda funny when he kept saying no kosong and me saying one kosong two egg.

Finally, in my druken stupor, i did a thing i really really regretted. As i alighted from the cab with the Tuborgs playing with my mind, i cant really walk straight and as a result, i stepped on a snail and crushed it. It woke me up and i realised i had just killed a living thing becos of my irresponsibility. I feel so bad but there is nothing i can do now.

人在做,天在看

yea, maybe i do get the meaning of that finally. I do good things, i do bad things. When you do bad things, it will come back to you in one form or another. I met up with Bryan with the thought of drinking a few bottles of beer. Instead, we ended up at Borders and i even bought a book from there. From wanting to drink and ending up at Borders.. tks Bryan...that is so far off my original plan. The ironic part is we ended up drinking at our own homes alone. Nonetheless, i told him of wat i did which i knew was wrong and the feeling of letting something off my chest is really good. Instantly, i felt so relieved and light. If thats the only punishment i get for the crime, ill be glad. If there is still more to be 'paid back' i will bear it too. Fret not..that will not be the excuse for me everytime when things go wrong.I understand Bryan's idea of not always looking for an excuse when things crop up. All i hope is ill be able to learn from this episode and be more careful next time.

Saw on the news today abt this USD25k dessert. WTF...wats the owner of the restaurant thinking when he set that price and was the customer even thinking if he/she decides to pay for that? Ppl might argue.. who da hell are you to decide wat i do with my hard earned money? I worked so hard, i spend it the way i like to reward myself. No offence to those ppl or to others who lived by this thinking. But i tot you might find it even more rewarding to spend this amount of money to help ppl who are struggling to even live past a day. Anyway, i jus hope for those eating that 25k dessert, you are helping those in need monthly already. Yea, my idea of having equal wealth in this world(Marxism i tink...)is not gonna work out.Neh mind, a lot of my ideas dun work out too. Its just one of them. You dun get it your way in life everytime.

Purest of Pain-Son By Four

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back...

A lesson learnt(expensive and valuable one)

I jus came back from drinking in Beijing alone. Yea i have been ripped off, and there was even a situation where i refuse to pay the exorbitant bill that i went to a room surrounded by mean looking china men thugs. I thought it would only happen in movies and i really thought i was goona be beaten to a pulp. Actually, i dun mind i guess... i dun have that kind of experience before and i was also looking to find some air bags to vent all my frustrations accumulated these few months. Not sure if its a blessing in disguise or wad but a fight didnt break out and the issue was settled in the end. Dun ask me how much i paid for the bill, lets just say it was a valuable lesson learnt. Dun ask me how i got myself in this situation.. when one is troubled, there are things which you will do even if its not you.

Money can be earned back, life lessons could be learn: to warn oneself of future silly acts. I will never forget tonight. I paid for a lesson i swear will be imprinted in my brain for the rest of my life. Yea, i guess it all evens out.. i won a LCD TV in my company's DnD and this shit came along. I knew i will never be lucky in life after i met someone. Thats because i have spent my lifetime of luck away knowing her and there isnt a tinge of regret! :)

4 Degrees

yea, tats the temperature im experiencing right now in Beijing but wth..i duno how to operate the room's air con and im actually sweating. I set the stupid wall control to 10 degrees but room temperature still remains at 28 degrees heck!

I didnt enjoy my trip today. 1st up, i woke up late and have to check in immediately without my ritual mcdonald's big breakfast. It also implies no chocolates for the staff im visiting in Beijing.

2nd, there is this smirk looking SIA air steward whom i cant stand. He really thought he looked real awesome but a moron he is nothing more. I duno abt industry practice but when i requested a whisky on the rocks from him, he only gave me whisky on A ROCK. I stared at the pathetic serving with that singular lonely ice cube floating and mind formulated the most vicious curse directed to that arse. Im not being biased because i hate u air steward farkers becos the next whisky on the rocks i had was done professionally by an air stewardess.

3rd.... reached the Beijing airport with presumably 3 million people there when i pull my luggage out. I cant find the people who are picking me up! Then i realised i packed their namecards into my luggage!! Have to find a seat....open my luggage in front of everyone showing wad boxers i wear and find that card. As i fumble n rumble.. my Pilot V7 pen decided its time to betray me and started smudging my hand with that dark blue ink. With my dark blue palm i went to the toilet and theres only water.. no soap.. great! I linked up with my china counterparts and gave them a blue stricken palm... nice....

Now in my hotel room, after Mr and Mrs Smith departed from the tv screen, i feel like the last human on the planet. I have my career, i have my money, i have my cigarettes, i have my beer but everything means nothing, if I ain't got you.

If I Aint Got You by Alicia Keys

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within and
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Said nothing in this whole world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

A->B, will it revert back from B->A?

People change when they grow up, people change when they step into the society to work. People change when the environment changes. For better or for worst, that is hard to debate. Being a librain, changes are one of the things i hate. Y change? I often ask. I wanted to buy something and went back to a shop that i got the stuff from but the buildings' shops have closed or relocated and in its place.. a ktv. Some frens whom i hang out great in secondary school are now like strangers to me. Either i changed in their eyes or they changed in my eyes or rather, we dun see eye to eye.

Its saddening when one changed, gone together are the feelings we have for each other. More importantly.. as i hanker for the distant chance, is the feel going to be the same again? Jodie told me: its gonna be different even if A changes to B and changes back to A again. A changed before, whats the possibility he/she wont change again? It rang n rang in my brain and as i ponder, i realised it doesnt matter if A changed or not. In my head, i just know that if its A that i wants to be my love of the lifetime or a good fren whom i can rely on, i will accept whoever he/she is. Everyone makes mistakes (i have made numerous). Hell knows when they will turn back or do they even or not; i feel that as long as the feelings are there, i wil keep ploughing away. I have planted the seeds. They might not harvest because the soil or weather or even the seeds themselves have changed but i do know that if i stop watering them, they will definately not harvest. 我会好好过,等你回头,会看到的一定是我

李玖哲:我会好好过

你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重 都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收 你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由 你出走我不问理由

我会好好过 等你再爱我
总有个角落 会让你想起我
我会好好过 等你再爱我
向右或向左
都有我站在这里守候

你留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重 纵使爱太弱
我会好好过 等你回头
会看到的一定是我

Fights with wings and shiny things,And lions, tigers, bears, Oh my ride

Thats what i last heard while stil downing martell in boat quay...its 5am now.. dun ask y im still not sleeping. in fact i wanna sing ktv but too bad all are busy or tired with own stuff. Everyone misunderstand someone sometimes but no one really sits down to tink y someone misunderstands anyone. Im fine with being misunderstood as long as i know wad im doing. That being said.. i felt derogatory drinking my guts out tonight

想你想得好孤寂 by 邰正宵

从你走后 细雨不停 听着雨声夜夜醒到天明
眼角流出 无言的泪 是回忆在胸口偷哭泣

痛过想过 慢慢看清
外表平静 是骗你骗自己
用微笑送你 还答应 把祝福给你
忘了问谁收留我的心

当你为了我和他而犹豫 我不该只等待你做决定
如果任性 那么一次把你抱紧
也许不会失去你 OH！OH！OH！

想你想得好孤寂 我想你想得好痛心
向天大声喊爱你
恨我说出口的不到爱的万分之一
到如今还能说给谁听 OH！OH！OH！

想你想得好孤寂 我想你想得好痛心
向着远方喊爱你
深深爱一个人根本不该苦苦压抑
一点迟疑 一生的悲凄

Jail sentences and Bo Davis

Its been a while since i touched the newspaper. Read someting which doesnt really makes sense, and someting that raised my brows.

Article A: 3 men were found guilty of the Madrid train bombing in 2004. They were sentenced to jail ranging from 34,000 to 43,000 years -.-" Im not trying to stir trouble here but its kinda senseless to pass this kind of sentence. The sentence passed can simply be said as jailed for life. By passing a 34-43k sentence, it seems like a joke.

Article B: Abt 3 Brits making fun of an old trishaw man here. Well, obviously im not too pleased to allow 'Foreign Talent'-ed abusers into my already over populated country. But come to tink of it again, there are also nice foreign ppl ard who of cos, would not have created a stir with the untold kind deeds they might have done daily. Only atrocious acts like that will be studied under the microscopic eye of everyone. He is dumb enuff to put it up on Youtube to lead us to him anyway. Kudos to the Canadian Mr David Miller for lashing his tots out on these arses. Dun worry Mr Bo Davis, i didnt forget you. After all you were the one who posted the clip with the title 'Slowest taxi in South East Asia'. I reckon you are the 'Slowest brain in Europe' to do that and yea, like you, im sorry abt abusing you but im no bully.