Monday.. when most of us starts the week working.. im stil recuperating at home. Had a short talk with my ex-girlfriend.. actualy not short talk.. its only me talking, she doesnt want to talk or hear abt anything regarding our past relationship...you can say all you want, abt letting go, moving on etc etc. I do understand my family's and friends' point of view. 'Brace urself! There are many other girls!'; I often hear these.. while i appreciate they are all trying to make me feel beter.. i realised maybe they do not really know me. Or maybe they do.. but its just that I have to move on anyway when the other party has moved on and got involved in another relationship.. maybe yes, maybe no.. im still sceptical. But, i was nvr one to really let things go so easily.. especially relationships... Nonetheless...the talk with her speared my heart.. the feeling.. its really where u feel ur heart is soo soo weak upon hearing something bad. I realised then.. maybe that is how the world works... u make ppl suffer.. ppl will make u suffer.. Today is the day i realised i really have lost my pillar of strength. I have lost it even earlier but then, i do not believe the reality till now. I keep telling myself.. if u are happier that u leave, ill be glad... but.. how many of us can acutally be that noble? I have not reached that stage yet try as i might. Deep within.. there is always this hope that she will turn back and all will be like good old times.. but its turning into just a fading dream of mine. Yes, the door is always open and waiting.. tats wat i say now. The tot of her with another guy stings my heart greatly... Selfish some of u might say, preventing her from moving on some others cried out... i know...but thats the love of my life.. do i just give it up so easily? without a fight? without any effort to try rekindle the hope she has lost? If you have lost someting u have valued and cherish greatly.. do u jus switch off and forget abt it? or wil u search high n low with all ur time n effort, hoping to find it back?
Yes, too late to say all these cherish n value stuff.... the breakup would not have happen if i have really really cherished n valued her. She was angry n disilusioned with what i said to her... but i was really really mad at that time and truly do not mean what i said..sadly.. this explaination was not enuff for her... She said the things i have did/say have turned her off and closed her heart.. but its all actually trying to create an atmosphere..little do i know it created such a backslash which caused our relationship to crumble. Im not washing my dirty linen here or embaressing her. I also dunno why im writing this.. its just tat i have so much in my mind... to talk abt, to also tell her.. but i do not have any chance to do it face to face...it greatly saddens me becos she no longer even gives me a chance to salvage the relationship..
Time they say.. wil heal all wounds... i do believe that but the thing is... how long will i take to recover from this near fatal blow? With my mind still having tots of an open door and waiting for her to turn back n return to my arms, the day to recovery via the 'time medicine' is still far
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