Tuesday, October 30, 2007

a devilish moment

I feel so bad today... was discussing over skype with my china colleague abt her side's email deficiency. Really pisses me off when she said that her email is unstable and that some mails she can receive and some canot. Well, she gives me the impression that since this happens, we jus have to accept it. omg... didnt she think of solving the problem rather than live with it? The more i thought abt it the more farc i became. The more farc i became, the more i raised my voice against her. After that, i regretted and realised that i might have been too harsh to her. My temper has been bad and it got worse recently. I will flare n show the whole world owe me 5 million face easily. Perhaps thats why they say: a bad person is not as scary as a good person who turned bad becos they can be much much worse when they thread over to the dark side.

I guess not only to her, i have been a farc to someone i love as well. It must have been real bad and heart breaking to hear what i said back then when i was angry and after all that happened, i can only say im sorry, truly sorry. I will learn to keep my emotions in check becos i know i can really say devastating things which i dun mean it when im angry. Its not an excuse to say bad stuff and claim that its becos im angry when the hurt has already been done.

If i can just turn back time once to rectify something, I will not turn back the time i felt embaressed when i fell into a mud pool in front of my class mates. I will not turn back the time deteriorating my health when i picked up smoking. I will not turn back the time i felt humiliated when i was the butt of jokes in poly days for my bizarre dressing. I will not turn back the time when i felt like an inconsiderate sibling when i went home smelling like a brewery and slept in the same room with my bro. I will turn back the time when i felt like i was the most foolish jerk in the world to say those hurtful things to someone.

Sorry by 苏永康

sorry... i am really sorry.
我又一次把你气哭在陌生街头
爱你...我当然爱你
自从第一眼到现在什至没人敢预测的将来
请你相信不是我不愿意改变我自已
而是一再努力又一再放弃那个软弱的自已
其实我恨透了我自已没有认输的勇气
让你受尽了不安和委屈
你是我这一生这一生最最最害怕去伤害到的人
也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人
虽然我并没有并没有并没有一身温纯的灵魂
但是我很愿意很愿意做那个永远照顾你的人
我的爱人请听我有颗不善言语的心
只能够看着你远处的背影

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