Maybe its better that way

For a long time i thought il succeed. For a long time i thought its only temporary. For a long time i thought all will be like the good old days. I have been wrong for a long time. I know what to do already. Tks sexyback, tks to those who tried talking sense to me while i act like a man who had lost everything in the world.

I wasnt really good these few weeks. I was visiting gran when she suddenly cant breathe well. Her condition got real bad that i have to bring her to the hospital. With my aunt stil working outside, we do not have any vehicle available. Thats where i felt the strain of uselessness. Yea, my dad always says owning a car is expensive, he rather not own one; my aunt said owning a car is expensive as well. But imagine owning a car in this situation where i can rush my gran to the hospital. I always have this "my family have to rely on others' vehicles to get to anywhere" thought. Call it egoistic, call it materialistic but im getting a car jus to dispel this sense of relying on others. I HATE it. In the end, i had to bring her down, hail a cab to send her to the hospital cos i reckon calling an ambulance might be too late.

I sat at the front while gran sat behind. We were in the cab for not for even a minute when she felt really terrible. She shouted she cant breathe and grabbed me from my back real tight. She told me she will die. At that moment, i duno what to do. I can only keep patting her back and tell her we are reaching the hospital soon though we are not. That sense of uselessness and helplessness when the grim reaper threatens to strike. What can mere mortals do? Fortunately, she managed to survive till we reached the hospital. That's where i turn from being sorrowful to a very angry man. The doctor was talking to one of the patients while i push my gran in the wheelchair. Gran was still shouting that she cant breathe n sighing so loudly everyones' eyes were fixated on grandma n grandson. I asked the doctor for help and he can give me a bloody 'pls get her to register first' reply. The A&E of Changi Hospital doesnt seem so A&E oriented at all to me. The nurse that came fared no better. She asked me a question twice when she is taking the blood pressure of my grandma and i snapped at the second reply. A thousand years also passed before she managed to get a reading of the blood pressure when a few seconds is all it takes. Then im left to wait outside while they gave my gran 4 injections.

My aunt arrived later and the doctor gave us an assessment of the condition. She teared when she heard what the doctor said. For the 1st time in my life, i hope my gran will go peacefully and stop her suffering. Its either saving her legs or saving her life. At age 80 plus, losing her legs is as good as dead i feel. And the scene of her telling me she is going to die when she grabs me in the cab. I guess grandpa is getting lonely and wants her to accompany him.

Maybe its time to stop being selfish to others, you and me alike.